ADOLESCENCE

Adolescence is generally regarded as a difficult time of emotional upheaval and rebellion. Most parents of teenagers will tell you that their teenagers stretch their patience to the max. Understanding why this age is difficult can help parents reduce the amount of conflict and tension between them and their teenagers. 

Beginning around puberty, an individual’s brain has reached a maturity level that allows it to consider abstract ideas. An eight year old will be confused when asked who she is “on the inside.” A seventh-grader will understand that you are talking about abstract notions of identity and aspirations. Their world has suddenly switched from black and white to shades of gray. They can now mentally manipulate ideas and situations. This brings them to the realization that there are alternatives to what their parents have taught them. That awakening can often lead to conflict.

Generally, a teenager’s tendency to argue does not represent a lack of respect. It is more often an attempt to engage their parent in a mental exercise. Their arguments are commonly based on idealistic and naïve notions of fairness and justice. “Just because you think that doesn’t mean it’s true!” is a typical adolescent remark. The problem is that they do not yet have adult experience to go with their adult brain. They struggle with idealistic notions against life’s realities. For example, adults may agree that you shouldn’t judge someone by the way they look, but their experience has shown that it generally holds true. Trying to get similar points across to a teenager can be maddening due to their tendency to romanticize life.

The ability of abstract thought also brings about a struggle with identity. Beginning in Jr. High, children start to consider how they look and dress, who their friends are, and what they do in their spare time as a reflection of who they are. This can also bring about conflict with parents who are forced to deal with their children exercising their individuality for the first time. Many parents misunderstand this to be rebellion and can make matters worse by over-reacting.

Of course, no one disagrees that our culture is a dangerous place to grow up. The “feel good” of drugs and sex are strong magnets that pull our young people who are especially vulnerable by their new investigative nature. Parents must walk a fine line between protecting their children and allowing them to find their own strength and self-worth by resisting these traps on their own. A teenager who has been made to feel empowered and trusted from an early age is stronger against such temptations.

The years of adolescence can be a very confusing and frustrating time. Parental advice often conflicts with cultural values portrayed by the media. Parents who understand the characteristics of the adolescent mind are more likely to enjoy less conflict and more fun. It is especially important for parents to listen to their children and respectfully offer guidance. A teenager who feels valued and respected will, more often than not, listen to what their parent has to say……. and do it.

©2010 raise a kid R.I.G.H.T.