DISCIPLINE
Knowing how to effectively discipline your child is one of the most frustrating and stressful questions you will encounter as a parent. Psychological theories regarding self-esteem have confused parents about appropriate discipline measures. Fortunately, there continues to be some general concepts that you will find in almost all the popular (and not so popular) approaches to discipline.
1. Although you are the boss in all situations, it is still important to treat your child with respect. You will gain much more cooperation from them, even from an early age, if they know you are always thinking about their best interest. You can demonstrate this to your child by having meaningful conversations with them. Ask them their opinion about things. You will also build their self esteem if they think you find them valuable.
2. Establish rules and post them on the refrigerator. Having written rules helps them prepare for the written rules of the real world. Show respect by letting your children help establish the rules – their input will probably surprise you. Understand that rules are important for everyone. Knowing the rules gives your child control over what they choose to do because they will already know the consequences. Having written rules also lets you off the hook as the bad guy since it is the rule that administers the consequence. You can say, “I’m sorry that you have to go to time out, I’ll be waiting for you with a big hug when you come out!”
3. Be consistent! This will make life much easier on you. If your child knows that every time they choose poor behavior, there will be a consequence, they are less likely to risk it. That’s one less problem you will have to deal with.
4. Never make threats that you’re not going to follow through with. Your child will learn that they don’t really have to obey. They will also lose respect for you because you don’t do what you say. Make sure that if you say “I’m going to take you home!” or “No dessert!” you will follow through. Otherwise, don’t say it!
5. Never show emotion during discipline. Act like the policemen that just pulled you over for speeding. Administer the consequence with neutral attitude. There is nothing more a child would like, especially a teenager, than you watch you go ballistic over something they did. Let them be alone in their consequence.
6. Don’t argue. Arguing puts you both on the same level and twists the situation to be about your relationship instead of what they did wrong. Remember that you are the parent and they are the child. How much good is it going to do to argue with the policeman? It’s OK to just smile and repeat, ”I’m sorry, I don’t argue.”
7. It’s OK if they don’t like you. It’s inevitable, but it won’t last long. If you are worried about hurting their feelings or not being their friend, then you will be more likely to give in to their desires. That will teach them that manipulation will get them what they want.
If you’re confused about what to do, ask yourself, “What do they need to learn about life?” The goal of all discipline is self-discipline.
©2010 raise a kid R.I.G.H.T.
1. Although you are the boss in all situations, it is still important to treat your child with respect. You will gain much more cooperation from them, even from an early age, if they know you are always thinking about their best interest. You can demonstrate this to your child by having meaningful conversations with them. Ask them their opinion about things. You will also build their self esteem if they think you find them valuable.
2. Establish rules and post them on the refrigerator. Having written rules helps them prepare for the written rules of the real world. Show respect by letting your children help establish the rules – their input will probably surprise you. Understand that rules are important for everyone. Knowing the rules gives your child control over what they choose to do because they will already know the consequences. Having written rules also lets you off the hook as the bad guy since it is the rule that administers the consequence. You can say, “I’m sorry that you have to go to time out, I’ll be waiting for you with a big hug when you come out!”
3. Be consistent! This will make life much easier on you. If your child knows that every time they choose poor behavior, there will be a consequence, they are less likely to risk it. That’s one less problem you will have to deal with.
4. Never make threats that you’re not going to follow through with. Your child will learn that they don’t really have to obey. They will also lose respect for you because you don’t do what you say. Make sure that if you say “I’m going to take you home!” or “No dessert!” you will follow through. Otherwise, don’t say it!
5. Never show emotion during discipline. Act like the policemen that just pulled you over for speeding. Administer the consequence with neutral attitude. There is nothing more a child would like, especially a teenager, than you watch you go ballistic over something they did. Let them be alone in their consequence.
6. Don’t argue. Arguing puts you both on the same level and twists the situation to be about your relationship instead of what they did wrong. Remember that you are the parent and they are the child. How much good is it going to do to argue with the policeman? It’s OK to just smile and repeat, ”I’m sorry, I don’t argue.”
7. It’s OK if they don’t like you. It’s inevitable, but it won’t last long. If you are worried about hurting their feelings or not being their friend, then you will be more likely to give in to their desires. That will teach them that manipulation will get them what they want.
If you’re confused about what to do, ask yourself, “What do they need to learn about life?” The goal of all discipline is self-discipline.
©2010 raise a kid R.I.G.H.T.
