EFFECTS OF DIVORCE
Just this morning, I visited with two different parents about their recent separation from their respective spouses. They were concerned about the effect it is having on their children. It is a conversation I have often. The common theme is almost always, “How can I keep it from affecting my children?” The obvious and painful answer is, “You can’t.”
As adults, with years of life experience behind us, we are able to see things from a perspective not available to children. We understand that separation and divorce will be difficult, but we also know that life goes on and most things in our life will remain unchanged. We have the ability to look ahead and anticipate the future based on what we have learned from the past. Children can’t do that. They have to rely on the adults in their life to let them know the severity or insignificance of any particular event.
One of the primary jobs of the human brain is to evaluate any given situation in light of the physical or emotional danger it presents. We use all our senses for this task. So, your children are not only listening to what you say regarding any situation, they are also watching how you’re reacting and paying close attention to your emotional state. As you’re probably already aware, they are experts at noticing the little things and their brains will use it all to determine how they should react.
Keep in mind that they don’t feel the same way about your spouse as you do. Unfortunately, and as much as we want to avoid it, every child will be deeply affected by the break-up of their parents. In fact, the only thing worse would be the death of one of their parents. You should expect them to become irritable, moody, argumentative, and fearful or angry.
You can help to minimize the stress, however, by putting aside your bad feelings for their other parent and keeping your child’s well-being first in your mind. The most important thing you can do is to keep their daily routine as normal and stable as possible. Let them know by your words and your actions that everything is under control in-spite of the changes occurring.
©2012 Raise A Kid RIGHT
Just this morning, I visited with two different parents about their recent separation from their respective spouses. They were concerned about the effect it is having on their children. It is a conversation I have often. The common theme is almost always, “How can I keep it from affecting my children?” The obvious and painful answer is, “You can’t.”
As adults, with years of life experience behind us, we are able to see things from a perspective not available to children. We understand that separation and divorce will be difficult, but we also know that life goes on and most things in our life will remain unchanged. We have the ability to look ahead and anticipate the future based on what we have learned from the past. Children can’t do that. They have to rely on the adults in their life to let them know the severity or insignificance of any particular event.
One of the primary jobs of the human brain is to evaluate any given situation in light of the physical or emotional danger it presents. We use all our senses for this task. So, your children are not only listening to what you say regarding any situation, they are also watching how you’re reacting and paying close attention to your emotional state. As you’re probably already aware, they are experts at noticing the little things and their brains will use it all to determine how they should react.
Keep in mind that they don’t feel the same way about your spouse as you do. Unfortunately, and as much as we want to avoid it, every child will be deeply affected by the break-up of their parents. In fact, the only thing worse would be the death of one of their parents. You should expect them to become irritable, moody, argumentative, and fearful or angry.
You can help to minimize the stress, however, by putting aside your bad feelings for their other parent and keeping your child’s well-being first in your mind. The most important thing you can do is to keep their daily routine as normal and stable as possible. Let them know by your words and your actions that everything is under control in-spite of the changes occurring.
©2012 Raise A Kid RIGHT
