LYING
It is natural for young children to make up stories and “stretch the truth” at times. Pre-schoolers have not yet reached the developmental stage to discern reality from fantasy very well. Sometimes, these innocent attempts at creative expression can become manipulative efforts to gain attention or avoid discipline. This is when parents need to intervene quickly and consistently because lying can become a frequent habit if ignored.
For young children:
If a parent decides that their child is deliberately being dishonest, the first thing they should do is simply talk to them about the importance of truthfulness, honesty and trust. Let them know that lying is wrong and results in a loss of trust. If caught lying again, parents can respond by cutting them off immediately and saying, “Oh, it makes me sad when you’re not being honest.” Then get up immediately and leave. You will teach them that when they lie, you will simply not listen. More importantly, they will learn that when they are truthful, you will listen intently until they are finished.
For older children and teenagers:
Generally, trust is a huge deal with teenagers. They will often accuse parents of not trusting them, so, it is easier to use natural consequences to address their dishonesty. When caught lying, parents can simply say, “the saddest part about your lying is now I can’t trust you.” Then, follow that up with checking out everything they say. When they want to go out you can say, “Sorry, I would like for you to go, but I can’t trust you.” Let them know that they will have to prove themselves to you and that will take time. That natural consequence is usually very effective.
The general rule when dealing with teenagers is that any consequence that would be effective with an adult is also effective with an adolescent. If lying to your husband or wife resulted in them not believing anything you say, that would be a strong incentive to be truthful.
Rules:
1. When your child lies to gain attention, it is imperative that you do the opposite and withdraw your attention. That also means no lecture…... negative attention is still attention.
2. If your child lies to avoid discipline, they should also have a consequence for the initial misbehavior. On the other hand, if your child misbehaves and then tells you the truth about it, instill a consequence for the misbehavior and then a reward for telling you the truth. Sometimes, just saying, “I’m very proud of you for telling me the truth,” is enough.
Last, children will learn honesty and integrity from you. If you lie, cheat, or steal….even just a little…so will your children.
©2010 raise a kid R.I.G.H.T.
For young children:
If a parent decides that their child is deliberately being dishonest, the first thing they should do is simply talk to them about the importance of truthfulness, honesty and trust. Let them know that lying is wrong and results in a loss of trust. If caught lying again, parents can respond by cutting them off immediately and saying, “Oh, it makes me sad when you’re not being honest.” Then get up immediately and leave. You will teach them that when they lie, you will simply not listen. More importantly, they will learn that when they are truthful, you will listen intently until they are finished.
For older children and teenagers:
Generally, trust is a huge deal with teenagers. They will often accuse parents of not trusting them, so, it is easier to use natural consequences to address their dishonesty. When caught lying, parents can simply say, “the saddest part about your lying is now I can’t trust you.” Then, follow that up with checking out everything they say. When they want to go out you can say, “Sorry, I would like for you to go, but I can’t trust you.” Let them know that they will have to prove themselves to you and that will take time. That natural consequence is usually very effective.
The general rule when dealing with teenagers is that any consequence that would be effective with an adult is also effective with an adolescent. If lying to your husband or wife resulted in them not believing anything you say, that would be a strong incentive to be truthful.
Rules:
1. When your child lies to gain attention, it is imperative that you do the opposite and withdraw your attention. That also means no lecture…... negative attention is still attention.
2. If your child lies to avoid discipline, they should also have a consequence for the initial misbehavior. On the other hand, if your child misbehaves and then tells you the truth about it, instill a consequence for the misbehavior and then a reward for telling you the truth. Sometimes, just saying, “I’m very proud of you for telling me the truth,” is enough.
Last, children will learn honesty and integrity from you. If you lie, cheat, or steal….even just a little…so will your children.
©2010 raise a kid R.I.G.H.T.