MOTIVATION
Motivating our children to do their best on any particular task is a struggle all parents deal with. There is fine line between encouraging our children to do better and making them feel that what they did was not good enough.
When parents say, “this is good, but you can do better,” they must be careful not to discourage a child who feels that they have already done their best. No parent wants to hear from their grown child, “nothing I did was ever good enough.” So how can a parent motivate their child toward excellence and not resentment?
Here are some very useful and effective strategies:
1. Demonstrate honest appraisal of your own work in front of your child. Say, “I can do better than that!” when doing things around the house. When you model excellence, your child will believe that is the way everybody behaves.
2. When evaluating your child’s work demonstrate praise for specific things that you find worthy. Say, “I really like the way you colored his face,” or “I really like the colors you chose.” Conversely, it’s OK to say, “this part looks a little sloppy,” or “I’m not sure you did your best right here.”
3. Teach them how to evaluate their own work. Ask them, “how do you think you could do this different?” or “this is good, how do you think you could make it even better?”
4. Place only the best work on the refrigerator (or another place of honor). All other work can go on a wall in their room. Say, “I can tell that you worked really hard on that, it needs to go in a special place.”
5. The simple fact that you take the time to put aside what you are doing and genuinely look at their efforts makes your child feel worthy and respected. This alone will be a great motivator.
6. Be sure to evaluate their work based on their individual abilities. Be realistic in your expectations. Understand that a motivated average person can excel over an unmotivated talented one.
When parents say, “this is good, but you can do better,” they must be careful not to discourage a child who feels that they have already done their best. No parent wants to hear from their grown child, “nothing I did was ever good enough.” So how can a parent motivate their child toward excellence and not resentment?
Here are some very useful and effective strategies:
1. Demonstrate honest appraisal of your own work in front of your child. Say, “I can do better than that!” when doing things around the house. When you model excellence, your child will believe that is the way everybody behaves.
2. When evaluating your child’s work demonstrate praise for specific things that you find worthy. Say, “I really like the way you colored his face,” or “I really like the colors you chose.” Conversely, it’s OK to say, “this part looks a little sloppy,” or “I’m not sure you did your best right here.”
3. Teach them how to evaluate their own work. Ask them, “how do you think you could do this different?” or “this is good, how do you think you could make it even better?”
4. Place only the best work on the refrigerator (or another place of honor). All other work can go on a wall in their room. Say, “I can tell that you worked really hard on that, it needs to go in a special place.”
5. The simple fact that you take the time to put aside what you are doing and genuinely look at their efforts makes your child feel worthy and respected. This alone will be a great motivator.
6. Be sure to evaluate their work based on their individual abilities. Be realistic in your expectations. Understand that a motivated average person can excel over an unmotivated talented one.
