SELF ESTEEM
Beginning in the 1950s, parents were taught that to build high self esteem in children they needed to contrive an environment where failure did not exist. That way their child would build a high degree of confidence due to the fact that they won at everything they did.
Unfortunately, this seemingly good idea has had particularly bad consequences. Children were growing up in an environment where they were never really challenged – where they were going to be rewarded regardless of how well they actually performed. Additionally, children never learned how handle frustration because as soon as something became hard for them an adult was there to handle it.
The reality became clear that by “protecting their egos” parents were actually removing any opportunity for their children’s competence and confidence to grow. Even though today’s young people may outwardly display high self esteem, it is not based on any real accomplishment that requires hard work and perseverance. Consequently, that type of self-esteem crumbles when confronted with challenge.
This flawed approach to parenting is made worse due to the ever increasing custom of using TV and videos to fill much of a child’s day. Sitting and gazing at the television, even educational programs, are all one-way communication with little to no interaction. Without interaction, there are few opportunities for problem solving and successful problem solving is vital for authentic self-esteem.
As adults, we know that our own self-esteem grows when we accomplish something that we didn’t think we could. No one can give us a high self-esteem. It is something that one must earn – there is no other way. In fact, when we help our children through difficult tasks we actually send them a message that they are not capable and must have our help. Today, our schools are full of students who will give up before even trying tasks well within their capabilities.
It’s hard for any parent to watch their child fail, but it’s essential to understand that learning how to deal with failure is the key to ultimate success. Parents should stand by their child offering encouragement and support while their child struggles through difficult tasks. They should ask their child, “How do you think you are going to handle that?” instead of “Let me tell you what to do.” As early as eighteen months, children should be given simple chores and through loving interaction, be held accountable for them
In this environment children will learn to welcome a challenge because it’s something they have seen before. They will likely persevere in difficult tasks with the expectation that success will eventually come. They will be more tolerable of hard work.
A parent’s first job is to keep their children safe. They should monitor their children’s environment and activities for safety reasons, but not to insure that they never fail. Being there with a hug or a pat on the back when they fail encourages them to try again. A child who has never seen failure will not do well in the real world where occasional failure is inevitable.
Unfortunately, this seemingly good idea has had particularly bad consequences. Children were growing up in an environment where they were never really challenged – where they were going to be rewarded regardless of how well they actually performed. Additionally, children never learned how handle frustration because as soon as something became hard for them an adult was there to handle it.
The reality became clear that by “protecting their egos” parents were actually removing any opportunity for their children’s competence and confidence to grow. Even though today’s young people may outwardly display high self esteem, it is not based on any real accomplishment that requires hard work and perseverance. Consequently, that type of self-esteem crumbles when confronted with challenge.
This flawed approach to parenting is made worse due to the ever increasing custom of using TV and videos to fill much of a child’s day. Sitting and gazing at the television, even educational programs, are all one-way communication with little to no interaction. Without interaction, there are few opportunities for problem solving and successful problem solving is vital for authentic self-esteem.
As adults, we know that our own self-esteem grows when we accomplish something that we didn’t think we could. No one can give us a high self-esteem. It is something that one must earn – there is no other way. In fact, when we help our children through difficult tasks we actually send them a message that they are not capable and must have our help. Today, our schools are full of students who will give up before even trying tasks well within their capabilities.
It’s hard for any parent to watch their child fail, but it’s essential to understand that learning how to deal with failure is the key to ultimate success. Parents should stand by their child offering encouragement and support while their child struggles through difficult tasks. They should ask their child, “How do you think you are going to handle that?” instead of “Let me tell you what to do.” As early as eighteen months, children should be given simple chores and through loving interaction, be held accountable for them
In this environment children will learn to welcome a challenge because it’s something they have seen before. They will likely persevere in difficult tasks with the expectation that success will eventually come. They will be more tolerable of hard work.
A parent’s first job is to keep their children safe. They should monitor their children’s environment and activities for safety reasons, but not to insure that they never fail. Being there with a hug or a pat on the back when they fail encourages them to try again. A child who has never seen failure will not do well in the real world where occasional failure is inevitable.
