TIME OUT
Time-out has become the preferred discipline method after so many parents have chosen not to spank. I don’t consider time-out a punishment. Simple punishment doesn’t include a teaching component, whereas discipline involves moving the child toward self-discipline by teaching them how to control themselves. Time-out should be used to teach your child that when they become frustrated to the point of misbehavior, they need to calm themselves so they can deal with their problems more effectively. It can be a very effective technique when used properly.
Here are some guidelines that most parenting experts will agree upon:
1. The time-out place should be a neutral area that presents little to no distractions for the child. Their room, filled with toys, is generally not a good place. Pick a relatively quiet room in your house and place a time-out chair or place on the floor for your child to go. This won’t work if your child refuses to stay in the room…then you’ll need to pick a room with a door…..more on that later.
2. A time-out consequence can begin as young as one year old. At this young age, the only thing you would want to discipline is tantrums. You would simply take your child’s hand, or pick them up if they are laying down and say, “Oh, time-out,” with a calm voice. Then take them to another room, put them down and leave with no other comment. At this age they are not required to sit for any period of time. You are just teaching them that you disapprove of tantrums. Another option, depending on the circumstance, is instead of removing them you can simply remove yourself and leave them alone. The point is that their misbehavior will get them ZERO attention from you.
3. Beginning at around age 2, you will begin to require that they sit or stand quietly for a period of time – around 1 minute for every year of age. Do not start the time until they are quiet. At the beginning, a two minute time-out may turn into a 90 minute crying marathon. That’s OK and very common. You, as the parent, simply have to outlast them. This will be vital in the years to come because your child will believe that whatever problems or crises may occur, you can handle them. After all, every time they butted heads with you, you won! Can you see how, in reality, it is comforting to your child to be able to depend on their parent to deal effectively with life’s challenges.
4. If your child will not stay in time-out you need to calmly take them back as often as it takes until they finally stay. It really is OK to hold the door closed (with you on the outside) or even put a lock on the outside as long as you know the room is “child-safe” and you remain right outside the door. You can say, “As soon as you sit down and become quiet I will open the door.” Later you can say, “Do you want to go to time-out with the door open or closed?” They know if they say open they will have to sit quietly or you will close it.
5. Never get in a game of “Who’s got the power” with your child. The effectiveness of time-out depends on how well you isolate your child. Isolation is a natural consequence because, even as an adult, nobody is going to want to be around them when they act angry or annoying. Always give your child enough credit to know why they went to time-out. If you must, calmly explain the situation one time and one time only. DO NOT stay with them and PLEAD for them to be quiet. You need to talk very little, if any.
6. When they complete their time, welcome them back with a hug. Always let the consequence, not you, be the bad guy. That way you never have to withhold your affection. Although it may be effective to ask them how they could avoid time-out next time, don’t lecture them about what they did…THEY KNOW.
7. After a period of CONSISTENT use of time-out, you will finally be able to simply say, “You need to go to your room for awhile,” when your child misbehaves. Won’t that be great?
Here are some guidelines that most parenting experts will agree upon:
1. The time-out place should be a neutral area that presents little to no distractions for the child. Their room, filled with toys, is generally not a good place. Pick a relatively quiet room in your house and place a time-out chair or place on the floor for your child to go. This won’t work if your child refuses to stay in the room…then you’ll need to pick a room with a door…..more on that later.
2. A time-out consequence can begin as young as one year old. At this young age, the only thing you would want to discipline is tantrums. You would simply take your child’s hand, or pick them up if they are laying down and say, “Oh, time-out,” with a calm voice. Then take them to another room, put them down and leave with no other comment. At this age they are not required to sit for any period of time. You are just teaching them that you disapprove of tantrums. Another option, depending on the circumstance, is instead of removing them you can simply remove yourself and leave them alone. The point is that their misbehavior will get them ZERO attention from you.
3. Beginning at around age 2, you will begin to require that they sit or stand quietly for a period of time – around 1 minute for every year of age. Do not start the time until they are quiet. At the beginning, a two minute time-out may turn into a 90 minute crying marathon. That’s OK and very common. You, as the parent, simply have to outlast them. This will be vital in the years to come because your child will believe that whatever problems or crises may occur, you can handle them. After all, every time they butted heads with you, you won! Can you see how, in reality, it is comforting to your child to be able to depend on their parent to deal effectively with life’s challenges.
4. If your child will not stay in time-out you need to calmly take them back as often as it takes until they finally stay. It really is OK to hold the door closed (with you on the outside) or even put a lock on the outside as long as you know the room is “child-safe” and you remain right outside the door. You can say, “As soon as you sit down and become quiet I will open the door.” Later you can say, “Do you want to go to time-out with the door open or closed?” They know if they say open they will have to sit quietly or you will close it.
5. Never get in a game of “Who’s got the power” with your child. The effectiveness of time-out depends on how well you isolate your child. Isolation is a natural consequence because, even as an adult, nobody is going to want to be around them when they act angry or annoying. Always give your child enough credit to know why they went to time-out. If you must, calmly explain the situation one time and one time only. DO NOT stay with them and PLEAD for them to be quiet. You need to talk very little, if any.
6. When they complete their time, welcome them back with a hug. Always let the consequence, not you, be the bad guy. That way you never have to withhold your affection. Although it may be effective to ask them how they could avoid time-out next time, don’t lecture them about what they did…THEY KNOW.
7. After a period of CONSISTENT use of time-out, you will finally be able to simply say, “You need to go to your room for awhile,” when your child misbehaves. Won’t that be great?