WHAT DO YOU EXPECT????
I believe in people. I believe that, at their core, people are strong, resilient, capable, and kind. Just so you know, I believe God made people that way…..whether you agree with me on that point, however, is secondary to the first point.
As a student of psychology, a professional educator, a parent, and a long observer of people, I have become convinced that almost all people will rise to the level of other’s expectations.
As a parent, I have seen my own children grow in self-esteem and confidence when they accomplished a task by themselves after they first asked for my rescue and I said, “I have complete faith that you can do this yourself.”
As a teacher, time and again, I have seen the children of supportive, yet “hands-offish” parents rise to leadership roles, while those of “hovering,” rescuing parents believe the notion that they are not capable and, therefore, rely on others for security.
As a psychologist, I see the research that has uncovered prominent behavioral concepts such as learned helplessness and confirmation bias that strongly support the powerful influence of expectation. In his fascinating book, The Man Who Thought His Wife Was A Hat, Oliver Sacks describes an elderly, blind-from-birth woman with cerebral palsy whose hands were quite useless. He predicted that because she had been fed, bathed, and clothed by others throughout her life – who had assumed she was incapable – she was never given the opportunity to use her hands. So, he instructed the nurses to, as sensitively as possible, become more or less “negligent” in doing things for her. As a result of her growing impatience and frustration, she was forced to do for herself and learned, to her delight, that there was nothing at all wrong with her hands!
Parents, believe in your children. Believe that they are strong, resilient, capable and kind. Treat them as such and your expectations will be fulfilled.
I believe in people. I believe that, at their core, people are strong, resilient, capable, and kind. Just so you know, I believe God made people that way…..whether you agree with me on that point, however, is secondary to the first point.
As a student of psychology, a professional educator, a parent, and a long observer of people, I have become convinced that almost all people will rise to the level of other’s expectations.
As a parent, I have seen my own children grow in self-esteem and confidence when they accomplished a task by themselves after they first asked for my rescue and I said, “I have complete faith that you can do this yourself.”
As a teacher, time and again, I have seen the children of supportive, yet “hands-offish” parents rise to leadership roles, while those of “hovering,” rescuing parents believe the notion that they are not capable and, therefore, rely on others for security.
As a psychologist, I see the research that has uncovered prominent behavioral concepts such as learned helplessness and confirmation bias that strongly support the powerful influence of expectation. In his fascinating book, The Man Who Thought His Wife Was A Hat, Oliver Sacks describes an elderly, blind-from-birth woman with cerebral palsy whose hands were quite useless. He predicted that because she had been fed, bathed, and clothed by others throughout her life – who had assumed she was incapable – she was never given the opportunity to use her hands. So, he instructed the nurses to, as sensitively as possible, become more or less “negligent” in doing things for her. As a result of her growing impatience and frustration, she was forced to do for herself and learned, to her delight, that there was nothing at all wrong with her hands!
Parents, believe in your children. Believe that they are strong, resilient, capable and kind. Treat them as such and your expectations will be fulfilled.
